Moj dan se v teh šolskih dneh začne že zgodaj, ko večina ljudi še spi in na cesti srečujem le raznašalce časopisa in nekatere ljudi, ki jih je življenje prisililo, tako ali drugače, da se počasi odpravijo na delo in v šolo. Drugače pa vlada tišina, ki jo na vsake toliko trga žvrgolenje jutranjih ptic, ki že kličejo sonce.
In nekje tam vmes se slišijo moji koraki, ki odmevajo po zaspanih ulicah. Verjetno kakšna radovedna babica pogleda skozi okno in me zagleda, a jaz tega ne opazim, ker sem izgubljena globoko v mojih mislih, ki se prepletajo po moji glavi in me počasi posrkajo v svoj objem. Še sreča, da moje noge vedo, da sem namenjena na železniško postajo, ker drugače bi verjetno zatavala nekam drugam. Nekam daleč. Kar v resnici sploh ne bi bilo tako slabo.
Potem pa, ko pridem na postajo, zagledam ljudi, ki imajo za nekaj minut isti cilj kakor jaz; priti na vlak. In čakamo. Vsak je ujet v svojih mislih in se ne zmeni za drugega. Jaz pa opazujem, kako čakajo. Kako nestrpno pogledujejo na desno stran, iz katere bo prišel vlak. Opazujem kako se skupina fantov pogovarja o vseh možnih rečeh in kako gospa z klobukom, kot vsak dan stoji tam s torbico v roki in se prisiljeno smehlja, čeprav mogoče ni res srečna. Opazujem ljudi, za katere ne vem ali bi jih pozdravila ali ne, ker smo se nekoč dolgo poznali, a je zdaj to kar naenkrat izginilo.
Kmalu pride vlak in vsi hitimo nanj, da bi dobili svoje štiri sedeže in mogoče še malo zatisnili oči. Tako se usedem in poslušam glasbo. Vsaka pesem me spomni na nekoga, nekaj, nekoč. Začnem razmišljati o vsem. O prijateljih, ki jih bom spet videla tisti dan, o stvareh, ki jih ne bi smela nikoli zaupati nikomur a sem jih, o vremenu, o času, ki teče prehitro, o šoli in vseh stvareh, ki mi pač padejo na glavo. In tako razmišljam še celo pot v šolo, do prvega odmora, ko misli pretrga smeh prijateljev in se začnem vključevati v pogovore.
Počasi začne šola minevati in spet sedim na vlaku in premišljujem o vsem ... spet. Premišljujem o tem kako sem mogoče spet pretiravala s šalami, kako grem mogoče komu močno na živce, kako se bom borila za ohranjanje stikov z vsemi, ki so mi blizu, ker pač prijateljev, vsaj jaz, ne dobiš kar tako, še posebej nekoga za katerega bi storila karkoli samo, da ne bi odšel iz mojega življenja. Premišljujem o tem, da sem storila že preveč napak in da se s tem že nekaj časa ne obremenjujem. Navsezadnje sem samo človek.
Delam in izrekam stvari, za katere mi je potem močno žal. A na koncu se z vsem sprijaznim in grem naprej, vendar se še prevečkrat oziram nazaj, ker pač stvari ne morem nikoli pustiti povsem na miru.
Tako se odpravim proti domu, da mogoče naredim še kaj pametnega tisti dan, da mogoče zabrenkam na kitaro in pomirim moje misli in dušo.
My school day begins very early, when others are still sleeping, and the only people I meet are newspaper delivers and the ones who have to go to work and school. Otherwise, silence is spreading all around, and it's now and then disturbed by birds singing, that are already calling the morning sun.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, the sound of my steps can be heard, echoing around the sleepy streets. I believe that a curious old lady is watching me, but I don't see that, because I'm traped in my own world. My thoughts are spreading through my head and I am slowly fallen in their arms. Fourtenately my legs know exactly where I'm supposed to go, that I have to go to the Railway station, beacuse otherwise I would probably wander somewhere else. Far away. Which wouldn't be so bad afterall.
When I come to the station, I see people, who have, maybe just for some minutes, the same goal as I; they want to get on the train. And so we wait. They are all caught in their thoughts, they don't care about each other. And I observe them. I watch them how they wait, how they nervously turn their heads to the right, from where the train will arrive. I watch how a group of boys talk about everything, I watch a lady with a hat, who always has a forced smile on her face, even though she's probably not really happy. I watch people that I'm not sure if I'd say hi to them, because we knew each other some time ago, but know that feeling has vanished.
Suddenly the train comes and we all rush to it, to get some free sits and take a nap. I sit down and listen to music. Every song reminds me of something, someone, somewhere. I start to think about everyone and everything. About my friends I will see this day, about the things I trusted someone but I shouldn't have, about the weather, about the time that is running too fast, about school and other things that pop out in my head. And so I think about that untill the thoughts are cut of by friends laughter and I start a conversation.
Lessons are slowly passing by, and I get on the train and start to think about everything again. I think about how I probably told too much jokes, that I probably annoy someone very much, how I'm going to try my best too keep in touch with people I love, because I find it hard to find new friends, especially the ones for who I would don everything just to keep them close. I also think about the number of my mistakes and how I stopped care about that a while ago. Afterall, I am only human.
I do and say things that I regret later. But in the end I am okay with that and I move on, but I go back to those things too often, because I never really move on.
And so I'm walking home, hoping I will do something good today, that I pick up my guitar and comfort my heart and soul.
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